Shingles are stupid and I really wanna run away to the beach!

This picture makes me soooooo very happy in so many ways. First...hubs is off looking at someone that I know for a fact was being silly in front of us. Clearly...his attention has been caught. I'm looking straight ahead with the other 3 and we are just smiling and happy. Aaaaahhhhhh....precious. It was also my birthday that day! And we are at church. Happiness.

Get this...I turned 41. For real. Embracing the birthday where I had the shingles. Did you catch that last sentence?? One more time..."embracing the birthday where I had the shingles." I mean really....that doesn't sound old does it? Nah...not one bit. I am sure none if you associate "the shingles" with old age. ;)

So I entered into this 41st year with shingles and intense stress and anxiety over a situation that is completely outside of my family and I'm sure it is all going to be nothing but butterflies and rainbows and ice cream from this point on right? Right. (Play along with me please)

What I do know about that thing that keeps me up at night and causes serious anxiety in my heart is this....

* God reveals steps in teeny tiny baby steps sometimes...He is patient like that and sometimes I want to scream because He is so patient and timely ;)

* God will stretch you into places and positions that you would never ever ever ever do on your own. Stretching hurts and causes you to be IN COMPLETE DEPENDENCE ON HIM! (mumbling under my breath over this one)

* When you believe in something and it starts getting hard you can do one of two things... 1) run away to the beach like I keep saying I am going to do or 2) dig your heels in and don't look back

This 41st year will go down in the record books as a very interesting year for me. Shingles are stupid and painful and stress related and I'm digging my heels in when everything in me says "I'm going to the beach and I'll be back later!"

Dang...life is hard.

Deep down inside I'm thankful for whats taking place here..... growing, stretching, increase of faith blah blah blah. ;)

Love y'all! *MWAH*

So some things happened

I published the post on my parenting revelation, that is found below, and was ready to share some other cool things happening within our home and then BAM Joanne had her stroke. The morning was 1-11-11. If you are friends with me on facebook or follow me on twitter then you know that Joanne has consumed my every thought and request for prayer. I still can't believe what that sweet woman has endured, what her husband has endured, what her precious girls have endured. It just tears our hearts to pieces doesn't it?

Our friend, Holly, put up a post on her blog and I cannot get it out of my mind. These were Holly's words on what kind of friend Joanne is. If you are like me, I tried to find myself in these sentences. I was unsuccessful for the most part. Joanne is teaching me SO MUCH about life. See what you think. Are you in there?

This is the kind of friend who sends flowers, when she's praying for me.

This is the kind of friend, who invites me over for lunch and then gives ME a gift basket.

This is the kind of friend, who shares deep truths she is learning from God's Word.

This is the kind of friend, who tarries with me in conversation, never making me feel like I am TOO MUCH or NOT ENOUGH. She accepts me, as I am.

This is the kind of friend, who thinks I am special and lets me know in 100 ways.

This is the kind of friend, who loves to read as much as I do! She also loves Jesus, her family, home and Bible study--and makes me want to be fully committed and growing better in all of that.

This is the kind of friend, who prays with me.

This is the kind of friend, who rooms with me---even though I sometimes snore.

This is the kind of friend, who teaches me new thing, like knitting.

This is the kind of friend, who will take time away from her very busy schedule homeschooling, being a student in seminary, wife, mother and a host of other things and spend it with me--without a hurry or care. Just unrushed time, as friends.

This is the kind of friend, who will spend the day with me at a French flea market.

This is the kind of friend, who will take her mother's knitted project that didn't quite turn out, take it apart and restitch it--giving it as a gift to her mom this past Christmas. I told her, she is just like Jesus-making all things new. How beautiful.

Isn't this just beautiful?? I read these with no conviction whatsoever because I know Joanne's heart. I read this with more of a challenge. I read this wanting to be more like Joanne.

Take some time and swallow these and see where Joanne is in your life.

There is so much to say about what Jo is teaching me, but for now.....I just know I want to be more like her!

And we all shout HALLELUJAH! for what He is doing in her life right now. In all of our lives!
Mercy.

Greatest lesson learned at Deeper Still that DID NOT come from Beth, Kay, or Priscilla

Oh, goodness. I hope you can hear my heart and feel what I'm about to describe when I have to leave out all sorts of names and manner of detail.

Sounds exciting, huh? Hang on....let's ride this out and keep our fingers crossed.

We all know what happens when you put a group of women together. There can be intense giddiness, excitement, fun, and a whole lotta anticipation. There can also be a great deal of fear, insecurity, and question of "Am I really as cute or funny as Suzy across the room?" Isn't it interesting how our minds are all over the place? Maybe it's just me. I'm highly doubting it though.

And, then the dynamics of your little group change. Maybe a new girl that noone knows walks in the room with a friend. Maybe someone starts telling a story about someone you know that rubs you the wrong way. Maybe someone tells something that you think "did she really just tell that?" Maybe, maybe, maybe....

It just happens. It just happens with a group of girls. No matter the age or demographic or status. It can happen just.like.that. Before you can even think or process or understand what is happening.....something has changed. And maybe the change involves yourself. Maybe you were the one who said or did something in that instant you are wondering, "Did I really just say that or do that?" Oh, I think I did.

It happens. And the minute it does....you just want to throw up and cry and run out screaming something completely inappropriate. It happens. And it's ugly.

But after some suffering and hurt and flat out conviction, God shows Himself through someone COMPLETELY UNEXPECTED. And her name is grace and forgiveness.

Her name is grace and forgiveness and she came clothed in the form of a person that you never saw coming. She showed me what it's like to truly understand someone and something without any kind of judgment. She showed me love when she could have easily ran the other way and made all kinds of assumptions.

I saw grace and forgiveness up close and personal this weekend and I will never ever forget it as long as I live.

I won't forget how it felt.

I won't forget how unexpected it came.

I won't forget what she looked like.

I will never forget how humbling and beautiful she was all at the same time.

I love those two words....grace and forgiveness.

I hope you extend it when someone is least expecting it because it just might be one of the greatest life lessons that person can learn.

Hugs and blessings y'all!

That girl may not like me.

Every week something happens in my daily life where I'm reminded just how insecure I am in the world of friendships and wanting to be liked. For example, here are just a few silly things that I have noticed.......again, I am stuck at age 12.

1. Someone I want to be friends with won't look at me or talk to me when we are in a group having a discussion about something. They talk to everyone else in the group BUT me.

2. Someone won't acknowledge me or give me the time that I think I deserve. Talk quickly and move it along. OR, they seem really distracted. Now, that drives me crazy!

3. No one calls and asks me to lunch. Boo hoo. Woe is me.

4. Friends don't call you as much any more.

You get the idea right? It begins to hurt a little. It begins to take a toll and make you question "whats up?" Is it me? Am I that busy?

In my defense I can say that I'm a wife, mom to 3 busy boys, and I work so that takes up all but 99% of my day. I KNOW. I GET IT. The time just isn't there.

But, deep down inside, we all desperately long to be loved, liked, and to fit in. And even sometimes the people you want to like you, love you, and fit in with them.....well, it just isn't going to happen.

I'm really, really trying to be ok with all of this.

I really want to be secure in who I am.

I'll be 41 in February and I'm wondering if we ever grow up and stop being 12? Sometimes I am just not going to be liked by that one person who for whatever obnoxious reason, I want to be liked by. Sometimes I just need to realize that not everyone wants to be friends with me.

Wow. A middle school lesson I'm still learning......

Not everyone wants to be friends with me and I'm ok with that. *gulp*

Insecurity, a 5K, and some pride

These are just a few pix of my first 5k on Saturday. Let me tell you what I learned about this race. I was PETRIFIED PEOPLE!!! Why was I so scared? Let me tell you. I quickly became 12 years old again.

1. I felt so inadequate. This started Friday night with what do I eat the night before? What do I wear tomorrow morning? It's going to be cold at 9am. What if I finish last? What if I trip and fall? Blah blah blah.

2. I felt like I wouldn't fit into the "runner's world." And boy did I have a ball looking at all the pro's out there that morning who are clearly into the running world. I clearly was trying to act as if I was one of them. HI-LARIOUS! Boy, let's play that part real quick.

3. Every insecurity and ounce of pride I own surfaced that day. Now that my friends isn't pretty. I started off scared to death and thinking I would die before mile 1 was finished to thinking "WOW...look at me. Look how good I did. Look everyone...I finished the race!!!!" People, this was a 5k and not a half or whole marathon for crying out loud. I swelled up pretty fast. Woe is me.

While waiting on the race to start, I really felt like I was in middle school all over again trying to find my way.

During the race the pride began to creep in because I was hanging with my running buddy, Kristi, through 2 whole miles. And then the "stitch that killed" arrived and about did me in. But I will finish strong people. I WILL. I HAVE TO. MY LIFE IS AT STAKE. (whatever)

After the race, I was quite proud of myself. I loved all the compliments and all the praises and the "way to go's!" I actually thought maybe I could be a runner. Maybe. I had to be a little puffed up.

And, then guess what? I arrive to church on Sunday and listen to a truly awesome sermon on humility. Yep. Thanks God. I hear ya loud and clear. ;)

I'm learning to do this life with humility because after all....when I stop and think about that "race" I did on Saturday....I realize that life is just like that 5k. Life is full of insecurity and a whole lotta pride and I need to learn how to deal with both.

I'm thankful for this lesson on Saturday.

I'm thankful I ran that 5k.

I'm thankful I went to church on Sunday.

I'm thankful for the One Who shows me how to run the race He has set before me.

Isaiah 40:31 "but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."

Lets run the race with Him. Lets run it in such a way that people will want to follow us!! Because after all, they are seeing Jesus in us and not some insecure or puffed up chick who has the whole world fooled.

It's all for Him.

Hugs and blessings~

Swimming in the shallow end!

A couple of weeks ago my pastor said something in his sermon that won't leave me alone. And, I'm completely guilty of this right now and I don't like it.

Here is my observation....

If you are at all wrapped up in the world of computers, gadgets, iphones, cell phones, facebook, twitter, blah blah blah....my hunch is you read a lot of things throughout the day that go in one ear and out the other. Right?

Is there much depth in your day???

My day is shallow and empty right now and it's time to make a change. And when I say my day is shallow and empty I mean the conversations and relationships that are constantly before me day in and day out don't have much depth to them.

I'm wondering....are you swimming in the shallow end or the deep end?

I'm ready to get back into the deep end. It's where I get fed and grow the most.

Hugs and blessings y'all~

Full circle....and it's goooooood!!!

Hi friends!!! Well, I know you are anxious to hear of the new gig I have going on since I left the Doc's office. And, boy am I sooooo very excited. It really is a full circle experience for me.

I am working for the coalition in my town that brings education and awareness to underage drinking and drug use. It is a phenomenal opportunity to give back to a cause that means so very much to me. Fortunately, but unfortunately, I know a little something about this area of a teens life.

Last week I had the opportunity to bring a guy into my kids school. His name is Blake McMeans.
Blake was the NUMBER FOUR tennis player IN THE NATION back in the early 90's. He began drinking when he was 12 and found himself involved in a drunk driving accident right before he was going to the University of Tennessee. He was in a coma for nearly 4 months and spent years in recovery. He is partially paralyzed and confined to a wheelchair today. Now he goes out to teens telling his story and pleading for them to not get behind the wheel of a car drunk. Please visit Blake's website and watch the short video that is just a glimpse into what he shows at his talks.

I had the honor of bringing him to our school, spending some wonderful quality time with him, his buddy James, who travels with him, and realizing just how passionate I am about this cause and this new "job."

Here is a picture of Blake coming to the podium out of his wheelchair to speak to the kids. You could hear a pin drop it was so quiet. The kids have just watched the PBS video that tells Blake's story. This guy is amazing. I know he made a difference in the life of at least one child.

Here is Blake talking to one of the High School teachers.

The line of students to come talk to Blake was beautiful to see. Some kids shared a lot, some kids simply said thank you. Some kids were emotionally moved and fighting back the tears.

This week I'm at a conference for this new gig of mine and feel strange being away from my family, but I'm thankful for this opportunity to learn how we can do the absolute best for our community in educating others about underage drinking.

Ok, on a totally different note, my precious neighbor made these for my front door! Behold the beauty! I'm thrilled!!! Thank you Beth for your service. You are gifted girlfriend!!

And, here are my guys that I miss. You know I miss hubs, but I didn't take his picture before I left. ;)




And, looky here....did you know that you can mail someone a ball of encouragement??? Oh yes you can!!!! How cool is this?? Found this at my backdoor one day with all my other mail. It is written on, stickers put on, stamped, and delivered!!! I love you Abby. You are so dear to this heart of mine.



Have a beautiful week! So thankful for each of you.
Be blessed and be a blessing to someone today!

Hugs~

Some questions

Do you ever feel like the weight of the world is crashing in around you??

Do you feel overwhelmed and simply can't understand why certain things happen?

Do you feel so scared of missing God's plan and purpose for your life?

Do you get so mad at "the world" around you that you wish you could go back in time and raise your kids in the '70's??

Do you wonder how life got so complicated and hard?

Do you wish you could do so much more than you are??

Do you ever just sit and wonder about it all???

Doing a new thing!!!!

Y'all are such an encouragement to me. Flat out need to tell ya that. What a blessing the blog community is.....regardless of how many people read, comment, or read and move on....this is where community is and I thank you for being such a huge blessing in my life.

Ok, let me just say that GOD IS HUGE. Well, duh, but He is.

I've got me a nice little past that pretty much involves anything you could think of....except for robbing a bank or something. And let me also say that none of this "past" occurs after I met my AMAZING man. This is a nice chunk of time between the ages of 14 and lets say 21 or 22.

Sometimes God allows events in our lives to be used later in life to bring His Name honor and glory. The Creator of the universe and the One Who saved my life multiple times always has a plan....HE FINALLY SAW FIT THE TIME AND PLACE TO USE THAT MESS OF A PAST OF MINE.

So, what is it?

I'm so excited and clapping my hands over it. Day one is over and never in all my life have I been more at peace over something.

I was given the opportunity to work with the West TN Coalition for anti-drug use and underage drinking.

What in the world is that you ask?

We bring education and awareness to our county in regards to underage drinking and drug use.

THIS MAKES ME SO STINKIN' HAPPY!!!

This makes my heart beat. This is a platform that fortunately, but unfortunately I know a smidget about.

He will take our messes, our disappointments, and our struggles and allow us to use them for some good in Jesus Name.

This is phenomenal y'all. This is all God. This makes me thrilled to have endured years of junk so that I can speak, plan, and develop an awareness for our community and make a difference in the lives of others.

You amaze me Lord. I can never thank you enough for saving me from myself.

Love you all. Thank you for celebrating this time of "full circle" with me!
Hugs and blessings~
Fran

A beautiful moment to a 2 year old moment.....

Well, I have another church story to tell. Last week I was brave enough to tell you about my fake chewing. Feel free to scroll down and catch that masterpiece if you missed it. This week, I've got a sweet story to share and, unfortunately, a not-so-sweet story to share. I tell ya, Jesus loves me this I know, but man He has to be a little disappointed in my 2 steps forward, 3 steps back action I had going on. ;)

Let me explain.....

Somewhere last week I had read Ben's encouraging words to the church to use Easter week to scatter the seed of the gospel somewhere. Or at least that's my translation of what I heard him say. I read this on his blog or his facebook page and it stuck. You know why it stuck? Because I honestly have never invited a non-believer or non church going person to church on Easter. OUCH. And, let me clarify, inviting someone to church is not all that Ben was suggesting. I think he was simply reminding us to use Easter week to share the gospel with someone.

So, on Friday night, my 13 year old and I were on our way back home from picking up the dog at the groomer and we drove by this place where a lot of homeless men will sit and ask for money.
We were waiting on a red light and our car was placed in just the right spot to read his sign but not be right beside him. Since I can't see all that great far away, *ahem,* the boy read me his sign....

"Any thing will help.
God bless"

Ok, hmmmm.....I've seen signs and homeless people before, but God did something in my heart over this guy. HE WOULDN'T LET HIM GO.

We drove on past and I think I told the boy something like, "I wish I had some money to give him, but I don't even have a dollar in my wallet right now."

I got about a mile up the road and the Lord WOULD NOT LET THIS MAN GO FROM MY MIND. I mean it's Good Friday and all and Ben's words of scattering seed would not leave my heart. The boy kept saying stuff about the homeless guy that I wasn't really paying attention to because I was trying to figure out what to do with this. And, finally I just said it....

"We need to go home, find some cash, and a bible or devotional and take it back to him."

Well, this is clearly God, huh?

And, so we did.....we zipped home and did just that. We got our goods and were heading back to the spot where we found him sitting. I was getting so excited about sharing the gospel with this man. We had to position our car in just the right spot so the boy could roll his window down and share the money and the devotional with the man. But wait....we got to the spot....and....

HE IS GONE!!!!!

WHAT???

NO, LORD!!!!

My brain was moving a million miles an hour and I knew exactly where to go. I drove right around the corner to a place where you might see other homeless men. And, low and behold.....

THERE HE WAS!!!!!!

It was a much less busy spot and we were able to stop. The boy rolled his window down and gently placed the money inside the devotional that was marked for those struggling. The boy quickly grabbed a pen and wrote at the top of the page...."He died for YOU today." I about lost it at this point.

The boy handed him the stuff and said something like "Happy Easter...may God bless you." And, I'm about to LOSE IT!!! I honestly wanted to talk to him more, but he was saying things like "oh thank you, oh thank you....God bless you....oh thank you, oh thank you."

My heart melted.

We drove away. I wasn't ready to leave.

I said to the boy that I'm glad we did that for that man and it felt good to scatter the seed....I said something like..."because it's Good Friday and all."

The boy quickly said..."mom, it's always the right thing to do...no matter what the day is."

My heart exploded with love and joy over that boy and my Jesus on that Good Friday.

Oh, yes....scattering the seed is gooooood.

Ok, real quick...I want to tell you about my most pouty moment on Saturday night at the Saturday night church service we attended for Easter. Shame on me, shame on me, I tell ya. I went from scattering the seed to acting like a bratty 2 year old.

The service was packed that night and we were clearly not early enough to get a seat in the sanctuary. And, honestly.....I had truly been looking forward to a really good word from Ben and having Travis lead you in worship isn't half bad either.

I WAS READY FOR SOME EASTER WORSHIP!!!

And, it's crowded and there is nowhere to sit. Boooooooo!!!

So, there are some usher people and some other pastors asking members to give up their seats and head over to the overflow room and they are telling my sweet family of five that we can go to the overflow room and I basically stomped my foot in front of another pastor/leader person and said......

"But, I don't wanna go to the overflow room!!!!!!!"

Yes.

Good one Fran.

And, then I went on to say something about us being visitors......

WHAT???

Rude.

Tacky.

Immature.

Most definitely pouty.

Ridiculous.

Then, God showed me His humor and said, "well, here ya go Miss Pouty Pants."

The front row opened up and the same pastor/leader guy walked us down to the front row.

And, there I sat with an embarrassed heart before the Lord. I sat there for the first 10 minutes praying I would see that kind man after the service and apologize for being such a jerk.

And then the music started and my heart was overflowing. The message was beautiful. And, I never saw that pastor/leader guy again to say "I'm sorry."

I'm sending him an email today...found it on the church's website. God isn't letting this one go either.

Funny how we can go from a scattering of the seed moment to a pouty 2 year old moment when things aren't going our way, huh?

Happy Post-Easter!

I just love y'all.

Can Christians drink?

Wow. This is a tough post to write. I'm writing this all for myself as I learn, grow, and wrestle this out with God. I'm simply letting my thoughts come straight from my ever-spinning mind and heart. First, let me tell you some of my story. Oh, Lord....please help me here. This is hard.

I grew up in a small town in Arkansas. This town is smaller than where I live now, but reminds me so much of it. When we moved here 10 years ago (wow!), there was a huge piece of my heart that loved it here because it reminded me of home.

For all of us, "home" comes with many emotions and memories. And, here is a very tiny glimpse into a part of my home.

Ok, here comes a gulp. I was introduced to alcohol at a young age. I remember it like it was yesterday. I could give you every detail, but I'm not. My parents might have had beer in the house growing up, but I don't remember it being a big deal. Alcohol was always around, but not in front of me very much at all. I also remember a few years while I was in elementary school that my mom and some other moms got together for a "Back to school Bloody Mary party." I truly didn't think much about that either. I can also say that I don't remember any conversations about "stay away from alcohol" or "don't drink and drive" that occurred in my presence either. I guess my memory is a bunch of nothing when it comes to people talking about alcohol in my home or at church. I was 15 when I took my first sip of alcohol. That is where I gulped again. I just typed that.

I grew up in the Methodist church in this wonderful Arkansas town and it's all I've ever known.
I just turned 40 and the church in Arkansas, Christ Methodist in Memphis, and our church here in town is all I've ever known in all these years of my life. It's the only denomination I've ever known.

Now....Let me also say that I'm a HUGE church junkie and if I find a really good pastor somewhere I'm hooked on their sermons and their church whether I've been there or not. Most times I've never darkened their doors, but I feel like I might as well have. I could be slightly obsessed I think. ;)

Well, my family has found ourselves visiting churches here in town and let me say....it's been interesting. I would love to write a post on the good, the bad, and the ugly from the eyes of a visitor. No one is asking so I probably shouldn't. But, when you have been faithful to one church for a very long time and find yourself in a season of wilderness and wondering you see things with a whole new set of eyes.

This past fall, we visited one church. That church was non-denominational. Now, we are visiting another one. This is a Baptist church. This is part of the visiting process....trying different things.....where do you fit in....what are you looking for...what is best for the entire family.

Honestly...I want a biblically solid church.

Last Wednesday night, my youngest son wanted to go to this church so we did. Just me and him.
I went to a Discovery type class for people interested in this church. Alcohol was not the point of this weeks lesson, but it did find it's way into a small piece of it.

So....here we go....alcohol in the Baptist church...remember, all I've ever known is Methodist. We are joked about as having the "Ten Suggestions" instead of the Ten Commandments. Ha ha ha ha. We are also known to be ok with alcohol. Please don't ask me why I say that or how I know that. What I do know is...I have never heard a sermon on it so my assumption is....it's ok.

Ok...back to the piece of the message last week that WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE. Bear with me.

The passage of scripture was from 1 Corinthians 8:1-13. One verse out of this passage says this.... Vs 9 "Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak." Read that again. "Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak." The pastor went on to share a personal story involving his family and a drunk driving incident that involved a family member. He also said that there probably wasn't a person in the room who had not had a bad experience involving alcohol.

This is unfortunately where I could tell you story after story after story that involves alcohol and my life. Since I have an addictive personality, it's by the grace of God my life was saved multiple times and that I am not a recovering addict of some kind. That in itself is a story to tell, but I won't right now.

Back to what the pastor was saying....He also told a story about a Sunday school class at this particular church that had a Christmas party and alcohol had been served. (Not here to judge, just stating the facts). They were playing some games and having a cocktail or two. However, one person was at this party and alcohol was a HUGE part of her past and she was surprised to say the least that this Sunday school class was serving alcohol at a church sponsored function.

Vs. 13"Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to fall."

This is where my heart was about to burst and I prayed in my head....."Oh sweet Lord...I have come so far and you have saved me time and time again years ago...I do not want to be a stumbling block to someone else and cause them to fall into sin."

The pastor when on to talk about being a parent. My husband and I are raising 3 boys. I remember someone giving me some advice once..."You don't want to shelter them from the world because they will go out into the world and have to digest a lot of worldly things. You don't want the world to hit them all at once and they freak out and can't handle it and become wild fools."

Is that real? Or is that my fear and imagination settling in?

So, as a parent, and in the words of this pastor, "We must protect our name and our character especially when it comes to raising our kids." I don't know that one of my children won't have a problem with alcohol but it won't be with me saying it's ok.

Does that make sense?

So...where am I with all this? I'm struggling. I don't have one bit of a problem if you like to have a glass of this or that. This is my personal journey that involves my messed up past and the work that Christ is doing in my life today as a wife, momma, and a woman who is ALL ABOUT SOME JESUS!!!

I'd love for you to chime in and say what you want....and please, let's encourage one another and not tear someone down. I'm simply trying to gain insight and wisdom.

I'll stop for now. I love each of you so much and value your opinions and thank God for where you are in your walk.

Keep after Him. He saves. He transforms. He redeems. He loves no matter what!!!!

Blessings~

I love my family but.....

We have been homeless when it comes to a church since late last summer. No need to hash that all out again, but the fact is....we are homeless and I don't like it.

We spent the fall visiting a church and then we decided around Christmas that we should visit somewhere else for a few months. Must keep it fair and all. Or keeping it fair and all might turn out to mean we still don't have a church again this summer.

Well, today's sermon was FABULOUS!!!! I mean the kind I'll remember for a long while. One tiny piece was this.....

In Fran's words this is how I heard it and applied it to my life....

"I love my family sooooooo very much. I mean don't we all? I'd do anything for my husband or kids. We hear parents say it all the time and once you become one you'll do anything for those kids. Yes, I'd walk through fire and take death for them if I had to. I sacrifice left and right for those kids. I'll go anywhere for those kids. I'll do whatever I can for those kids. My entire family is my life.........

However, they are NOT MY GOD."

Ouch. You can read these for yourself.

Again....I love my job....but, it's not my god.

I love my house....but, it's not my god.

I love my friends....but, they aren't my god.

I love to workout....but, it's not my god.

I love my church.....but, it's not my god.

I'm going to make sure that I don't put anyone or any thing above or before the one true God in my life.

Let's take a moment to evaluate where our heart is. I know I need to.

Mark 12: ³⁰Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'^f]"> ³¹The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'^g]"> There is no commandment greater than these."

Blessings~

Turning the big 4-0....and please don't judge.

Ok, so you want to know how I celebrated my big 4-0? You might be slightly surprised. I think I still am. Don't even know why I'm surprised, but I am.

Are you ready?

We went to a casino. Yep. That is correct. Please hear me out okay? There was a fun group of people going to a concert at one of the casinos and asked us and some other people to tag along and oh yeah...it's Fran's birthday so we can celebrate that too.

Ok...I'm good with this.

I took 40 billion stupid stupid stupid pictures and I really don't want to explain their badness so I'm just picking a few that aren't too bad.

This is a portion of us girl inside the concert joint place. I guess it was like a club, but not really. I don't know. There was a stage and all, but we had floor seats except there were no seats. You stood. What in the world is all this called?

Anyway...here we are. Had so much fun with everybody!

I love these people!!!! We spend a lot of time together during baseball season and have become the infamous two peas in a pod. Don't you love the folks who get your ridiculousness and still love you? Oh, and no I'm not talking about hubs on the far right. I see him all the time.

This is Gary Allen. I'll admit that I've never really heard of him. I only knew a couple of songs he sang. He is some country dude. He has an amazing story between him and his wife and the song had me crying. Nice. Don't cry when you turn 40....regardless of what is going on.

Don't you love looking at this darling couple sideways? No? Me neither. Not fixing it.

Don't ask. I'm not telling. Even if I did tell you....you'd roll your eyes and say "that's not funny at all Fran." My feelings would then be hurt.

Everyone needs a picture of themselves and some friends in a casino. The funny thing is...some "security person" told us you can't take pictures in the casino. WHAT???? We aren't taking pictures to steal something off the slot machines so we can strike it rich. Still a cute picture though huh? I wish you could have seen just how cute these two girls are. Adorable outfits!

And, last but not least...here is me and my man. We really had a fun time out of our element. I'm not sure when we will go back to casino land in Mississippi, but it was a sure fun way to ring in the big 4-0.
One big thing I'm seeing now that I'm a whole week into this 40 gig is this.....

I want to be very intentional in all that I do. I'm tired of wasting time in some areas of life. I really want to be effective and live this life for Christ. Because when it all comes down to it, I have only shot at this life and I don't want any regrets.

I trust and believe that He will provide me one heckuva ride and I'm holding on tight. I have a feeling the real fun and excitement is about to begin!!

Love you all so much. I thank God for having you in my life.

Blessings~

Help me. I'm confused. Maybe I'm just old.

Let me introduce to you Lady Gaga. You'll soon see her below. That is all I know about her. All I know is a weird name. Oh wait...she was born in 1986 and her name is Stephanie. Let me also say that my name is Fran and I was born in 1970. I'm quite a bit older than Miss Gaga. I guess maybe Madonna was the closest thing I had to a Gaga when I was in high school.

Let me also say that I'm not the creative type AT ALL. People who scrapbook and can paint on canvas and turn rooms around in a minute make me so very anxious to be around. I am the unequipped one. God clearly left that gene out of my pool and I'm ok with that. The world doesn't need a bunch of Fran's running around. Geesh.

But, I am having a hard time with the Gaga. Is this ok for her to dress like this? Am I just horribly old now? Have I become my mother? Please tell me no.

Now, I know Madonna wore some freakish things back in the day. I totally wanted to be her. Yes. Roll your eyes now. And, these might have been my favorite Madonna looks of all time.



Ok, so here is the first outfit of Miss Lady Gaga from last nights Grammy's. What is this? Anyone? Please? Help? She's in pain isn't she?


Ok, so what in the world is this outfit? Please explain to me. Or is it simply "art?" She does look scared to death and part of me feels sorry for her. But...hey! What about chick behind you? Don't you know she's ticked. I think it's quite clear that dude is totally staring. Don't blame ya man.

Again...slightly bizarre. I have nothing else.

And...then you have this one....all i can do is laugh. How hilarious is this one really? I can't help but think of what Robyn and I would side by side in the get up!!!!! Ohmywordabove this is great!

And then apparently there was a number with Lady Gaga and Elton John. I didn't see it. I read some stuff on twitter that kinda clued me in as to what people were saying. So, my question is.....

Do I just roll with it and the popularity of Gaga or do I think "what in the world is happening to society and the entertainment industry?" Or do I think it's all innocent expression of art? Or have we gone to far? Or am I 93?

Heck, I don't know what to make of all this. I wonder if my mom thought Madonna was just like this? I'm sure she did.

And, the next thing I wonder is.....be careful what you say about someone because someone WILL hear you and even possibly call you out on it. What if you said..."Lady Gaga (insert any name for that matter) is a fruitcake and has lost her mind!!" Someone might catch wind of your statement and then you have gone and lost your witness.

Geesh. The Grammy's and Pete Wilson's message on Sunday has messed with me.

Anyone dare help?

Loneliness. Ugh.

Hi friends...

Just a passing thought on this hurried Monday morning.

I'm lonely.

I'm lonely because we are homeless when it comes to church. Sort of but not really. We have been visiting this church and we absolutely LOVE Sunday mornings of worship. This particular church has community groups and because we aren't members we obviously don't have a community group. I'm not in a bible study either.

Boo hoo. Woe is me.

I've learned just how much I need people. And I mean spend time with these people in a closer setting.

It ain't happenin' around here and I'm lonely.

We were made to be with a body of people, especially when it comes to church.

I'm adding any of you to my prayers that might not have a church home and are feeling a bit lonely.

Hugs and blessings~

The infamous curve ball...and how to handle it!

Everyone who knows me at all, knows how much I love sports. I mean it's almost weird. Even when the boys aren't home, I'm watching an NFL game, or an MLB game, or the college basketball game. I LOVE SPORTS.



Two of my boys play travel baseball. I love each and every season because I love watching them love what they do and I never know how long this fun will last. Both of my boys are pitchers and as much as I love watching them pitch, I could throw up every inning they throw. It's way too nerve wracking for me. MOMMA CAN'T TAKE IT COACH!!!! ;)

The boys have taught me about a certain pitch.....the infamous curve ball. Basically it means the ball curves to one side or the other when thrown. "Its nasty." (that's what they tell me!)

The thing about the curve ball....it looks good until the end and then BAM! I love it when you are the momma of the pitcher and you say "I never saw that one coming." The curve ball isn't fun when you are batting and you never saw it coming.....a lot of times it means "STRIKE!"

Today I was thrown a curve ball. Didn't see it coming and not sure if I will strike out or walk on, but I'm trying to figure out how to adjust to the pitch.

I'm anxious to see how this plays out, so will you say a prayer for discernment for me please? I'm so grateful for each of you. It just means so much. Even if we've never met, I love you and I'm so grateful for your friendship along the way!!!

Ok, you've learned about the curve ball and you've learned that we need to hit our knees when we get thrown one.

Deep stuff, huh? Real life though.

And, please don't comment specifics if you know what I'm talking about ok? Thanks. :)

Love doing life with you!! (even if I just got vague and all at the end!)
Hugs and blessings~

Surprises can be great....or they can be not-so-great

You can find me over here if you want to check out the read....talking about surprises!!! Scroll down...i'm the last one! :)

Hugs and blessings~
Fan

I'm skeered....

Hi friends...

Well, Wednesday is the BIG day. The door officially closes to the past and the future begins. If you followed the story of me leaving ministry and our church, then you know how the story ends.....or begins. You may scroll down and find the story in 3 parts.

I begin a brand spankin' new job this week and I'm so very excited. And, just a tad bit scared to. Change is so blooming hard sometimes. And, for me, right now....I'm losing some of my availability to the kids and that is hurting my momma's heart. But, then I'm given a slap dose of reality that "people have been working for ages and sometimes can't pick up their kids from school so get over it Fran."

All the details are worked out. I'm a big girl now. My kids are older, so after school isn't such a weird thing for me. Except for momma won't be there. *tears welling up in eyes.*

But, you know what??

My heart remembers how God quickly provided for our family and He will provide in the details that I'm scared of.

He is a beginning, middle, and end God so I think I'll be ok.

And, if you can....would you pray for me and our family as we transition into this new aspect of life?

I pray God's sweetest blessings over each and every one of you!!

Hugs,
Fran

Where we are today....the conclusion to the story

Well friends....here we are at the end of the story. But, you know what? I don't think it's the end. I think it's the beginning. It all depends on how you look at it. Seasons come and go. Why on earth did I really think life would be the exact same for years and years?? Nah.....God is way too exciting for that nonsense. ;)

So....let's wrap this thing up with some hope ok?

I went to my pastor in August and told him that I had wrestled the thing out with God and even though I had been a mess of emotions, I believed God was very clearly saying...."it's time for you to go Fran."

Gulp.

I sat in shock again. This was indeed real. My life as I knew it was officially over. I quietly snuck out of the church spotlight and packed up my office on Labor Day and left with intense peace in my heart.

But, I was still scared to death.

What I didn't tell you was that my job paid for two of my boys private school tuition. And, yes....that job was gone. And, yes....they still needed to go to school.

So, how are we going to handle this Lord?

I remember saying to someone that the calendar became my enemy. I never wanted to know the date because then I would know that tuition is due in X amount of days and momma had no job.

Gulp again.

A lot of praying now.

For the month of September and the month of October....our sweet Lord took care of the tuition in most unexpected ways. Oh, how I marvel at His provision and the use of others. Wow!! Those 2 months allowed us to not have to dip into savings. Thank you Lord.

In the mean time...I was pursuing some job opportunities that could help things out. Keep in mind...I'm not trained in any thing. I'm a college graduate, but that was FOREVER ago and I never really worked until I landed in ministry at our church.

Hello unqualified...nice to meet you.

After a series of very calculated events....the good Lord basically placed a job in my lap. No lie. Honest to goodness this was not the job I had ever pursued. Is it in ministry? No. Is it in a church? No. Will I get to love on people in a Christian environment?? ABSOLUTELY!!!!!

Wow! I'm amazed at His work and His faithfulness and His provision. He really does have our best interest at heart.

This new job will be very different for me and my family, but why in the world would I worry about the new challenges we will face when I have just seen first hand....He WILL provide.

We have some adjustments to make within the family, but it is not hard and can be done.

I have walked a road that I never, ever saw coming and won't ever forget how it all felt. But, I am coming out of the wilderness ready to tell others just how awesome God is to those who love Him and pursue His desires over their life.

I have learned so much about loss, grief, pride, humility, and God's character through all this and I wouldn't trade it for all the money in the world.

He may not take you down the shiny, pretty road, but I can promise you you'll be glad you hung on for the ride.

Thank you for your words of encouragement and love. It means the absolute world to me.

I hope you know the One who heals, restores, redeems, and tends to the ones He has sought out.
He loves you so!!

And, one more thing....I love the church and all that is in it. I pray we all find ourselves in a place where we are loved, taught the word of God, and are a part of something so special in that community.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

Hugs and blessings~
Fran

Here we go....part 2

I have stewed and stewed about how to continue the story. I've actually put this off for as long as I can. I have to pick up the kids here soon so I need to get busy and tell you the next part! ;)

Please know that my point in telling my story is NOT to tear anyone down within my church or even tear down the church itself. My point is simply showing how God sometimes works. And, it's not all clean and pretty and easy. Ok, here we go......

I believe we left off yesterday with things going south in late July and my world had just been devastated. That is completely true. I'm going to stay away from some specifics because in the big scheme of it all......it really doesn't matter. God will do whatever He wants to do and however He wants to do it.

So, where were we??

During the summer months, something big was happening within children's ministry that was about to either be really good or really bad. I had a tough decision to make and I took the hard road and went with what I truly believed to be the direction that God was telling me to go. I had prayed like mad and sought advice and wisdom from others around me as well.

That decision did not go over well with some church members. The decision prompted some discussions and ideas to take place and during that process I was asked to leave my current position at the church and develop a new ministry. That doesn't sad so bad right?

This is where I'm going to leave out the bulk of the story because it honestly doesn't effect how God was already orchestrating this all anyway.

You see, let me back up a year and a half and let you know that I had been through a really tough year in ministry. I felt completely alone in so many ways and was borderline frustrated with some things going on and really began to wonder if this is where God would have me.

Again...I'm going to leave out some details here. Please forgive me.

I prayed for a solid 18 months about what to do. I knew that if I were to leave it would not be without God going ahead of me. However, at this point, in my heart of hearts, I never imagined I would have to make a choice in all this questioning. I believed God was going to teach me something else. I never thought anything other than "stick it out, Fran."

So, we come back to the summer of '09. I never imagined that God would speak in such a way that would be so devastatingly ugly. Sometimes God won't speak so sweetly into our hearts that gives us the "go or stay" answer that we are looking for. Sometimes the writing is on the wall after something so hurtful that we can clearly hear Him saying......."it's time for you to go Fran."

Huh?

What?

This is NOT how I thought He would tell me the answer to the million dollar question that I had been seeking for a very long time.

I had been hurt deeply to my core and I tried to move past it and keep "doing the thing," but with each day and each week that went by, I knew in my heart......"it's time to go Fran."

And, then came the intense grieving process that felt like death. It felt like life would not go on.
It felt as if everything I had cared about within children's ministry and the church was finished.

One day your passion is alive and the next day it's gone.

It was time to let my leaders know what my next step would be. Would I be willing to get past the hurt or would I walk away from the most meaningful time in my life and let it all go? Did I hear God correctly? Maybe I misunderstood. After all, there is no perfect church or perfect ministry. We are all broken, messed up people for cryin' out loud. I needed more time.

Some serious second guessing began to take place.

I was scared to death. For the sake of my own children and my own family....I got really scared. Maybe God isn't telling me to go now at all. You see....my income was a huge contribution to our family that I couldn't just walk away from.

"Please don't leave me now Lord. You can't leave me here in this place."

*the story continues tomorrow*