I think I have been working on this post for some time.
If you have noticed, I have done 2 random posts that give you some insight into "who I am" in the last couple of days.
I absolutely love reading random things about people. It's much more fun than reading some other things. I don't know...maybe it's just me, but I love finding out quirks and interests about people. You can find out things about people you think you know and quickly realize you didn't have a clue that they like ketchup on a turkey sandwich.
Not me. Just sayin.
So, I think it's time for me to tell you a bit more about myself. I'm not sure why, but I think the Lord is telling me to be a bit more detailed about who I am and where I came from. And, before I say another word....I give Him all the glory and praise for the work He has done and continues to do in my life.
So...let the story begin. And, bear with me.
I want you to know that I had a wonderful childhood. I want you to know that I grew up going to church. But, I want you to know that these two things was no guarantee/done deal/good girl outcome for me and the decisions I would make come high school and college.
As a parent and a person who deeply loves growing children and their families closer to Christ, a good childhood and growing up in the church guarantees you NOTHING. I say this not to scare us or cause us to doubt, but merely to share my story and the path that I chose to take then.....and now.
I would say that my 1st pit I landed in and landed in and landed in and landed in was the pit of
COULDN'T SAY NO. This can mean all sorts of things and I believe I covered so many things along this road. Not being able to say no to people, situations, or behaviors can then lead you down a road of.....
PEOPLE PLEASER ......these two things go hand and hand and caused a lot of destruction in my life. I wanted to be liked by everyone and was well liked by most everyone, but this isn't good either. Before I knew it, I was with people and in situations that I had no business being in and was setting myself up for some huge falls because I couldn't say no......remember??
I was also someone that had NO RESPECT FOR AUTHORITY.....don't get me wrong though...I wasn't rude or hateful or ugly. I was a typical teenager and young adult that truly believed I was invincible and would never die. I thought when I made the stupid decisions to do the stupid things I was doing, I wouldn't get caught.....and if I did??? So what.
I have lived through so much in my lifetime. Not as much as some, but enough to know that I have either seen it all, witnessed it all, or participated on some level of "not the right thing." I have nearly died, had an old boyfriend commit suicide, battled addiction of different kinds, wanted to take my own life on more than one occasion, been heartbroken more than I could imagine for someone who was popular, well-liked, and grew up in the church.
1. Couldn't say no
2. People pleaser
3. No respect for authority
These 3 traits that lead my life were 3 sticks of dynamite that would eventually explode. They did too. But, they didn't explode like you might think they would or should.
I grew up alot in my early 20's, got tired of the lying, manipulating, being someone that I wasn't, and knew it was time to just grow up. The church was nowhere in my sight either. Let me say that my youth director was arrogant and very uncaring and completely turned me off. I walked away from church and didn't return for over 10 years.
I got tired of the race I had been running and began to just slow down. I graduated from college alone and scared. I had no one anymore. Life was not good. I began to work at my local gym teaching some classes and getting started in graduate school. I think I was scared to be alone so I kept going to school.
I met the man of my dreams in that gym. We married. I loved him dearly. We had 2 children very quickly. The second son sent my "normal" life into a complete tailspin. I thought I had life all together, but realized soon after Tyler was born that I most definitely did not.
I called my husbands cousin one afternoon and she invited me to Bible study for moms at her church. That Bible study changed my life.
I was introduced to a man named Jesus that I never knew growing up in the church. I guess I heard about him, heard stories about him, but never knew the real him. He's not just a man in a book. He is real. He is at work. He is active in all our lives.
I was introduced to scripture. I was introduced to every day living with Jesus. I heard him for the 1st time during these months of Bible study. My heart fell in love and I didn't even realize it.
You see.....I have been in too many pits and know more pits than I care to share in detail. But, you get the idea of what I have said. I know that Jesus saved my life during a time when I thought life was good, normal, and happy with a husband and 2 kids. The thing is....I didn't even know I was sinking then. I KNEW I was sinking during those teenage and early adult years, but had NO CLUE where to turn. He knew that my life would take a turn at a different time. He saved my scrawny neck during those years and I thank Him every day for it. The man has patience.
Jesus knew that my life would be turned around in a different way and in a different time. I can look back over those disastrous years and humbly say, "thank you Jesus for protecting me and loving me even when I was a complete mess and a fool."
So, I have been blessed beyond words when it comes to a life and a heart turning completely around. I have gone from the girl who couldn't say no, people pleased, and had no respect for authority to being....
1. loves to say no
2. looks out for what Jesus thinks first
3. complete respect for God and those He has placed in my life
He saves. He truly saves. He isn't called Savior for nothing!
Now you know why I call my blog, "Blessed by Him." There aren't enough words to tell you how I feel about Him. If you do not have a personal, real, daily relationship with Him, then please email me. I'd love to show you how to take a man from the stories in a book to the man who you can't get through a day without.
Blessings y'all....and, thank you for loving me and encouraging me along the way. You are the best! It's a complete joy to walk this road alongside you.
Monday, July 7, 2008
I think I have been working on this post for some time.