Wednesday, March 5, 2008


It's so much more than a pinky promise with my man!! But, I love this picture and we are in this marriage thing together! And, I want you to know from the bottom of my heart that I love the fire out of him and have been a terrible wife at times, but I have gone before God to seek His wholeness and restoration for myself so I can be the woman of God He desires.

Let me tell you that I have a messed up past. I spent many years of my teenage life in some destructive patterns and choices. I made horrible decisions that have flooded into many parts of my adult heart and mind. And, you can only push them under the rug and not deal with them for so long.

Through a perfectly, God ordained time as this, and the beauty of Beth Moore's Bible study, "Wising Up," I have cried out to God to heal parts of my heart and restore me, in His time, to be the woman of God He desires for my life. Once this can begin to happen....I truly believe I can be that woman for my man that I need to be. And, my man deserves to have.

I'm going to be so honest right now with you and tell you that I have been, more than anything else, VERY SELFISH! Selfish can have 100 different meanings and looks. And, girls, it is not healthy, pretty, it's fake, ugly, mean, and not the way God designed marriage to be. It's time for me to change. One prayer at a time.

This is going to be tough. I have to pray for God to literally re-wire my mind and belief system for some things that haunt me from my past. I have to believe and trust God to do His beautiful thing of bringing the dead back to life. I have to believe that Jesus can save this poor girls rotten beliefs from taking any more life away from her!! I need to believe that He WILL heal and restore!

Don't get me wrong....our marriage is not in trouble. It's all me. I think I need to do "Breaking Free" again and get it right. I'm not completely free.

I want Jesus, more than anything, to have favor on our home, my family and our lives.
But, I need to get a few things right before Him in order for this to happen.

I'm praying for all of us and our homes right now. These relationships are everything to Him and His Name is at stake as to how we live this thing out among others. I praise His Holy Name for loving me and being so patient with me. He knew I'd come around......eventually!

We are meant to be indeed! Blessings and His favor is my prayer over you and your homes.



Susan said...

You so just described me and my man. By the Grace of a Heavenly God, my man still loves me and thinks I am the greatest thing...EVER. How is that possible after all I've done? After all I continue to do? Only through God.

Praying for your marriage, my marriage, all marriages!

Teri said...

You are a beautiful heart! I loved this post because I believe it wil resound with so many. Your willingness to lay it all out there is precious.

The enemy knows the strength and power in a good marriage, he will do anything to steal, kill and destroy something that will be a force against him.

On the other hand, we have a Father in heaven who sent the Holy Spirit, so that we might live an abundant life here as we serve Him and lead others to Him. He is amazing! He is the strength that gets us through hard times.

I love your vulnerabiblty Fran. God does better believe He is all over this. One step toward Him and he runs to heal. (I just got a beautiful picture in my head.)

Love you Frannie,

Heavenly Father in Jesus name I pray for Frans family right now. You know it has been quite a road with illness in this family. I ask now that you would touch them with the Power of your Holy Spirit. Move over them with your healing and touch them all in the place that they need to be healed by you. We do as Jesus did and tell the fevers to go in Jesus name. We also call these bodies into submission to the Holy Spirit of God and speak your healing word over them now, In Jesus name, amen.

Denise said...

I am lifting your precious family high in my prayers dear one.

Lisa said...

I loved this very real and honest post. The first step in dealing with any kind of issue or being free from any kind of bondage is in recognition...then comes the resolve and determination to change. That's where our powerful God comes in to help! Can't be done without him.

It's tough to be a wife. It's good, too. But tough. It's tough to be unselfish when our flesh craves self. I relate to this, and I appreciate your willingess to be real about your own struggles. Our past mistakes don't have to haunt us forever! Our God is mighty to save...and that includes our marriages.

Let's THRIVE in them, girl, not just survive them! I'm in with you.
Lisa :)

Julie said...

I know God has great things in store for you. I know He is going to take you to a deeper healing as you allow Him to expose the lies that have held you captive and replace them with His truth....who He says you are.

I have seen Him transform me so much that sometimes I don't even know who I am anymore.
It is a beautiful thing to be transformed.

Hang on tight, He will take you there. It's His work in you. He will do "His thing".


Charity said...

I totally know what you mean. We all struggle with selfishness. I REALLY struggle with it, sometimes more than others.

It can be hard when only one person in a marriage is trying to fight their tendency toward selfishness. The important thing is to stay on your knees about it.

I know I can only change myself and my selfishness by asking Him to help me!

Hope you having a GREAT week! I finally posted on my blog!

Love you!

Stephanie (Ocean Mommy) said...

Oh I think if we were all completely honest, we would all be saying, "me too!!"

I so struggle with this. It is like God has to reprogram our minds!!

Thank you for encouraging me today sweet girl!

Love you

Alana said...

I long to be free of many strongholds. I struggle with selfishness, too. Especially when it comes to my hubby. Sometimes I feel like I give so much to the kids that I have nothing left to give to him, but God has been changing my heart in that area as well. Probably not as quickly as need be. Thanks for praying for us in the midst of your own struggle. Love you for that. I will pray for you right now, Fran!

Ang baylis said...

We just did session #11 of our Daniel study last night.. one word... If we want to be like Daniel we cannot be SELFISH. I know I didn't come here by accident tonight. Ouch! I'll pray for you and I'd appreciate it if you'll pray for me in this area as well!

My man deserves to be loved!
Thank you, Fran!
Love you,
Angie xoxo

BethAnne said...

Hey Fran, We just started BReaking Free (again) tonight ---- wanna sign up? I really wish you could.

It is so hard to break the chains of the past-----hard to get past our pasts. I am praying for you (and me)!

jennyhope said...


what a powerful post and seriously i loved wising up.
one thing that God is revealing to me is that we can make an idol out of our junk. I have had drama in my life in a bad way for so long that i had to recently in my marriage step back and say oh my gosh there is no drama going on and i have built so many things around that...that i was afraid to not have it. Is that not awful? So this post really spoke to me!! I love you Fran!

Shonda said...

Thanks for sharing Fran. I'm also going through a renewing process in this area. God loves us and won't leave like we were. I feel the heat too, but that ugly stuff is coming out. PTL! Let's keep our focus on HIM in all things.

Blessings in Christ-

His Girl said...

just this morning i was asking God to help me love my hubby right so he could be freed to do what God called him to do- that I would not be a shackle that holds him back, but an encourager.

how funny to read your post not 20 minutes later.


Jen said...

Sweet Fran,

I think you and I may be kindred spirits. So much of what you were saying is so much of me.

Thank you for praying over our homes. Grant and I pray often, that Jesus would be in our home, in our rooms, walking our halls. We need HIS presence there.

And as far as having a past that you're not too proud of, praise the Lord that we are FREE in our Christ Jesus! Thank you for this reminder today, sweet friend!


Tanja said...

Wonderful words! I, too, come with heavy baggage into this thing called marriage, which is so difficult to do well. Yep, that selfishness gets me often. Even when things are going fine and I'm not overly tired, I catch myself thinking, "What about me? When do I get my time? When can I eat what I want instead of fixing stuff for all these other people in this house?" I fight this, too, because I really want to be a better reflection of Jesus. I want to bless my family. I want to be a better wife and mother than I know that I actually am. I've never heard of the study "Wising Up". I'm going to look it up now. Thanks for this post.

Cassie said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog...Your words ring so true in my heart right now....Marriage is such a precious thing, but sometimes is so difficult...I fight this 'selfishness' too...Way more than it should...I long to be an encourager to my husband...I actually posted about that a few days ago...Thanks so much for your insight...I will be bookmarking your site...God bless...

Darlene R. said...

Hi Fran! This was an awesome post. As you know, I am doing "Breaking Free" right now and I am praying that I can break free from my strongholds.

Selfishness is such a hard thing to overcome. Do we ever overcome that totally? It is something that I have dealt with many times. It can cause so much trouble.

Thanks for your thoughts today, they have been taken to heart.


connorcolesmom said...

True words my friend!!
I totally relate to the selfish part. I think being a mommy and spending so much time giving to so many all day I find myself being selfish about certain things.
God bless,

Shelley said...

Oh how HE wants us to be free! Sometimes it's so hard to really believe that, but I know it's true. He wants us to be happy, to feel loved, to give love. He created us for a wonderful purpose! We've all sinned and fallen short of His glory. There is not one among us who is perfect. Remember that, and remember how much He loves you, sin and all. His grace is truly incredible when you think about it!

Dana said...

Thank you for being so honest. I have a past too that I am not proud of, but thanks be to God, JESUS DIED FOR IT! I struggle with being selfish and also with letting my husband in to all the areas of my heart and mind. My prayers are with you and with my family as well.
Grace and Peace,

thouartloosed said...

Dear Fran,
Your post overwhelms me. God is so faithful and He will change your heart and bind up your wounds and do all that He says He will.
May He bless you today.

Mariel said...

wow! I can't believe you posted this! i have recently had to deal with some issues of sin in my own past! They used to haunt me on occasion, but I thought it was over with, so i kept going...OH< NO! God had MUCH deeper healing to do in my own messed up mind and belief system! It has really started to (for once) break my heart (for real) over my past sinful choices and their affect (though internally in me) in our marriage! Praise the Lord, He has definately shown me over and over that He has allowed this, so He can heal me!! (Jeremiah 30:17)

I pray He will boldly be Yahweh Rapha in your life, too, Fran. he is so good and so faithful!


Profbaugh said...

You know Fran, one of the many things I love about you is your transparency. You lay it all out there--both the good and bad. I'm not sure you realize just how much of an impact your authenticity has on your "readers." Oh my!! So powerful and convicting. Thanks for making me take a good, hard look inward.

And thanks for being "real."

Love ya,

annie's eyes said...

Fran, God so hears your heart and its desires. If we are honest, we all know what you are talking about and can relate only too well. After 27 years, it doesn't get easier, but it gets better only with our investment and God's sure deliverance. I love Angie's comment above about "Our men deserve to be loved better." Very good reminder for me this day to be more about others and more about Him. Hope you're feeling better this week. Love, Annette

I blog so you can get a glimpse into my life as wife, mom of 3 boys, and someone who simply wants to bless others along the way. Have fun and be sweet :)

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