Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Here we go....part 2

I have stewed and stewed about how to continue the story. I've actually put this off for as long as I can. I have to pick up the kids here soon so I need to get busy and tell you the next part! ;)

Please know that my point in telling my story is NOT to tear anyone down within my church or even tear down the church itself. My point is simply showing how God sometimes works. And, it's not all clean and pretty and easy. Ok, here we go......

I believe we left off yesterday with things going south in late July and my world had just been devastated. That is completely true. I'm going to stay away from some specifics because in the big scheme of it all......it really doesn't matter. God will do whatever He wants to do and however He wants to do it.

So, where were we??

During the summer months, something big was happening within children's ministry that was about to either be really good or really bad. I had a tough decision to make and I took the hard road and went with what I truly believed to be the direction that God was telling me to go. I had prayed like mad and sought advice and wisdom from others around me as well.

That decision did not go over well with some church members. The decision prompted some discussions and ideas to take place and during that process I was asked to leave my current position at the church and develop a new ministry. That doesn't sad so bad right?

This is where I'm going to leave out the bulk of the story because it honestly doesn't effect how God was already orchestrating this all anyway.

You see, let me back up a year and a half and let you know that I had been through a really tough year in ministry. I felt completely alone in so many ways and was borderline frustrated with some things going on and really began to wonder if this is where God would have me.

Again...I'm going to leave out some details here. Please forgive me.

I prayed for a solid 18 months about what to do. I knew that if I were to leave it would not be without God going ahead of me. However, at this point, in my heart of hearts, I never imagined I would have to make a choice in all this questioning. I believed God was going to teach me something else. I never thought anything other than "stick it out, Fran."

So, we come back to the summer of '09. I never imagined that God would speak in such a way that would be so devastatingly ugly. Sometimes God won't speak so sweetly into our hearts that gives us the "go or stay" answer that we are looking for. Sometimes the writing is on the wall after something so hurtful that we can clearly hear Him saying......."it's time for you to go Fran."

Huh?

What?

This is NOT how I thought He would tell me the answer to the million dollar question that I had been seeking for a very long time.

I had been hurt deeply to my core and I tried to move past it and keep "doing the thing," but with each day and each week that went by, I knew in my heart......"it's time to go Fran."

And, then came the intense grieving process that felt like death. It felt like life would not go on.
It felt as if everything I had cared about within children's ministry and the church was finished.

One day your passion is alive and the next day it's gone.

It was time to let my leaders know what my next step would be. Would I be willing to get past the hurt or would I walk away from the most meaningful time in my life and let it all go? Did I hear God correctly? Maybe I misunderstood. After all, there is no perfect church or perfect ministry. We are all broken, messed up people for cryin' out loud. I needed more time.

Some serious second guessing began to take place.

I was scared to death. For the sake of my own children and my own family....I got really scared. Maybe God isn't telling me to go now at all. You see....my income was a huge contribution to our family that I couldn't just walk away from.

"Please don't leave me now Lord. You can't leave me here in this place."

*the story continues tomorrow*

17 comments:

A Stone Gatherer said...

Thanks for sharing Fran! I'll be in touch. Thanks for the encouragement!

Anonymous said...

For some reason this is what has come to my mind as I thought to leave a note--please let me know why--if you know (smiling).

Fran, I am with you now, standing beside you, shoulder to shoulder and encouraging you ...

I don't get it....but I care very much about you and pray that this all works to God's glory.

TeresaL

ocean mommy said...

I just keep hearing there is glory at stake.

I so need the encouragment to keep praying through a particular situation right now. So thank you for sharing this. I know it's hard..

love you girl!
steph.

Toknowhim said...

Waiting to hear the rest of the story...Thanks for sharing with us...

Mary said...

Girl, you are so incredible for telling this story and telling it so well w/out speaking a word against another.

Life is so hard, ministry is so hard. I wish it were easy -- but it's not. When the Lord puts your feet to something, it's an all or nothing situation. You can't serve without a passion and you can't lead people where you haven't been.

I know the Lord has such an incredible next chapter for you. I am honored to pray for you as you walk this path.

Praying for you and with you.

Karen said...

Fran,

I'm so proud of you, my friend. Thank you for continuing to share this difficult part of your journey. It is when we share our most painful stories and struggles that God shows Himself mighty. God will use this to minister to others in ways you can't even imagine.

You are such a blessing to me and I am praying for you.

Love you,
karen

Mary Lou said...

Thanks for sharing. You truly have done a great job of not saying anything that reflects badly on any one else. That is such a hard thing to do. You are giving Him all the glory. Way to go. Blessings...waiting on part 3.

HisTreasuredPossession said...

holding you in prayer, my friend!!

love you much,
rachel

Darla said...

praying for you, we have also gone through some terrible things, and the ministries we were both in seem to come to an end..I don't know what God is doing, but the comfort for me is that I know HE is doing!

Shelly said...

Maybe my new name for you shall be 'Abrafran....' b/c this is the call to leave your country, trust God with your family, into a land unknown.

Yes .... yes indeed. I shall call you Abrafran!

lol!

Cheryl said...

Shelly's comment is sooo funny but so true.
Can't wait to hear(read) the rest of the story!

Love you!

To make you smile~
The word verification is (Yes I still do it!)
"dispit"

What Mama Siesta tells us:

Get out of "dispit!"

(((smile)))

Mel @ Studio MCA Designs said...

One of my favorite songs right now is "Lifeline" by Matt Kearney. I thought of you and all that you are going through tonight when I was listening to it.

Carolyn said...

Fran,
I know we don't even know each other personally, and I hope it's ok I comment to something so personal. Without knowing details, so much resonates with me and some things I've walked through the last couple of years.
God dropped a book from heaven, it seemed, last April called "Uncommon Woman," by Susie Larson. I was re-reading chapter 1 today, and as I read your post, I thought of you. I think the book would bless you.
I pray God would heal and bless you as you walk this very difficult road. Blessings, Carolyn

Anonymous said...

Fran, I found your blog through LPM and was drawn back to it once I saw you were involved in children's ministry. My husband was on staff at a church as a children's pastor, so we had that ministry in common.

Well, in June/July, things went south, and we made the decision to leave the church. We've gone from being super involved in church to barely making it for a weekend service at our new church. But, praise God, we're making it.

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm looking forward to hearing more about it soon. Know that this brave step of yours is helping a siesta know that she isn't alone.

Erin

His Girl said...

riveted.

connorcolesmom said...

Fran,
I have truly watched God work such wonderful things in your life. Even though He answered your prayer request with "leave now" He has something really wonderful in store
I can not wait to see what else He has for you!
Much love
Kim

Warren Baldwin said...

God told Cheryl and me to go 10 years ago. We did, but I still sometimes tear up about it. I still feel the emotions. God has his reasons, we only have to be faithful to the tug we feel. I'm in ministry, so I understand. God bless.

I blog so you can get a glimpse into my life as wife, mom of 3 boys, and someone who simply wants to bless others along the way. Have fun and be sweet :)

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