Monday, November 1, 2010

That girl may not like me.

Every week something happens in my daily life where I'm reminded just how insecure I am in the world of friendships and wanting to be liked. For example, here are just a few silly things that I have noticed.......again, I am stuck at age 12.

1. Someone I want to be friends with won't look at me or talk to me when we are in a group having a discussion about something. They talk to everyone else in the group BUT me.

2. Someone won't acknowledge me or give me the time that I think I deserve. Talk quickly and move it along. OR, they seem really distracted. Now, that drives me crazy!

3. No one calls and asks me to lunch. Boo hoo. Woe is me.

4. Friends don't call you as much any more.

You get the idea right? It begins to hurt a little. It begins to take a toll and make you question "whats up?" Is it me? Am I that busy?

In my defense I can say that I'm a wife, mom to 3 busy boys, and I work so that takes up all but 99% of my day. I KNOW. I GET IT. The time just isn't there.

But, deep down inside, we all desperately long to be loved, liked, and to fit in. And even sometimes the people you want to like you, love you, and fit in with them.....well, it just isn't going to happen.

I'm really, really trying to be ok with all of this.

I really want to be secure in who I am.

I'll be 41 in February and I'm wondering if we ever grow up and stop being 12? Sometimes I am just not going to be liked by that one person who for whatever obnoxious reason, I want to be liked by. Sometimes I just need to realize that not everyone wants to be friends with me.

Wow. A middle school lesson I'm still learning......

Not everyone wants to be friends with me and I'm ok with that. *gulp*

22 comments:

Amy Fisher said...

Hey Fran,
So feel you! So get you! Reliving it after last nite and my sweet 9 year old was left out after being invited by two friends to trick-or-treat w/ them and then the 2 friends dressed alike and didn't include her in that and then "uninvited" her to come over today to play. They, the two other girls said, "it's probably too much for my mom". What? So hard to remember who we are in Christ and it starts so dadgum early!

Anonymous said...

I have these feelings often, partially because I seldom reach out to others to make new friendships because it hurts too much to be rejected.

Reading this makes me wonder how often I have been the one to snub someone else's desire and tentative reaching out to make a new connection with me?

..........nah, doesn't happen! ;) I carry elementary and middle school around with me all the time, obviously.

Hope you have a lovely day.

Teresa L

Jenn with Munchkin Land Designs said...

I can so relate to this post! Unfortunately, I think its a female problem until the day we die. I do wonder if it'll be this way even in the nursing homes. Hmmmm.

Anonymous said...

That took a lot of courage to write and publicly admit to such feelings, even though I believe MOST of us feel this way, at least on occasion. I was so often the one left out and even made fun of on a daily basis. But it made me strong as a kid, and I kept telling myself that this was just something kids did, and it would all be gone when I became an adult. Well now I'm pushing 50 and guess what - it doesn't change. Adults can be just as cliquish and haughty and cruel as children. But I don't have that "it's just this phase, it will be better as we age" excuse to hold onto now. So I think it's harder now as an adult than it was as a child. I have LOTS of "acquaintance friends" and people who tell me they love me, but they love me for what I do, not who I am. It's a lonely place.

Anonymous said...

Well, friend...thanks for reading "my mail" to all of blog land...:)) Seriously, I could have written EXACTLY every single word of that. and have been walking out EVERY single bit of that in an intense way lately.
We must talk soon! I love you and think you are the bomb!
Teresa Cocke

Meli n Pat said...

I just talked to my husband about a couple who I thought would've been fun to get to know, but I was sure she didn't like me. When I struck up conversation, she was very short and quickly moved away. Wow. It does hurt. And you are right. It's hard to face that rejection (even on that surface level) and move on. It's nice to know I'm not the only one, but I wish it got better! :) If we lived closer, I'd love to have lunch with you! If you are ever vacationing WAY up north, let me know!

Joy said...

Fran,

I stumbled upon your blog some weeks ago and I've never commented.Does that make me a stalker? I suppose so.

Anyway I am exactly where you are. Having a hard time connecting at a new church. Don't get me wrong -- the people are very kind. It's just that no one is pursuing us (me, hubs and boys). We've pursued others, but it's not getting reciprocated.

Then there are the well-meaning friends who you know without a shadow of a doubt love you, but can't find the time to return a call or text. Frustrating!

But, I have to wonder if this is a season of God trying to get me in a position -- ALONE -- so that He can get my attention to do some things He wants to do in me.

When you are a wife, mom, full time employee, church member AND grad/seminary student, I suppose He needs to strip you of some things to accomplish this. :/

For what it's worth, I'd TOTALLY have lunch with you.

Blessings,
Joy in NC

BARBIE said...

I could have written this post. I am a mommy, filling up my time with 4 kids of varying ages and a full-time job at a church. You would think I have people around me all of the time. It's so true that everyone knows me by name. The one who "does it all". But I long for relationships. There are times when I see others going out to lunch, etc. with others and I get so jealous and wonder why I am not asked out. My best friend moved to Arizona 3 years ago. We use to do everything together. Since she moved, I don't go out much. Boo hoo! So middle school, I know.

Mary Snyder said...

Girl, I'm right there with you. Just when I think I've moved beyond my 12 year old self, something happens that makes me feel like that left out girl!

I think we all struggle with these feelings from time to time.

3girlsmom said...

Well, for what it's worth, I love ya, my PAS. Looking forward to being neighbors in the old folk's home with ya one day.

Toss Toss gigglegigglegiggle.

connorcolesmom said...

I feel your pain and I am guilty of #4 for sure - sorry about that!
I thought I would have tons more time when the kids started school but I am WAY busier!
I do miss you and cherish you!!
Much love

Sheryl said...

Fran,

I completely understand. But I would have never guessed. When I met you, several years ago at FBC Woodstock to see Travis Cottrell and Beth Moore, remember?...I was so intimidated by so many sisters in Christ who seemed to have it all together.

I guess God shows us that in this world we will all be insecure. But, with Him there is complete security, complete acceptance.

He is good.

Sheryl

LisaShaw said...

Fran,

I can relate to some degree and I'll be 45 in Feb. I don't think it's a middle school lesson. I think we all have the need to be loved and accepted and when we're not it hurts.

As one who is really still learning this thing called friendships upclose--I do just fine with loving on all people but can't seem to get anyone who wants to really know me for me up-close...that's my middle school story too :) so don't worry my friend, I'm praying for you now. Pray for me too as we all learn this grown-up stuff. :)

Love and blessings friend! And if you lived near me I'd be your buddy for sure!

Pamela said...

Your "Why do I blog" says you want to bless others...be real and authentic. I think you are achieving your goal with your honesty and openness.

www.ourshelteringtree.blogspot.com

Wander said...

Gee Fran...
Looks like you're not the only 12 year old out there. :)
I've been so miserable for the last few years. We left our church (not of any shame on our part) but stayed in the same community. It's been a nightmare!
I completely understand the need and desire for REAL FRIENDSHIPS. I don't have the energy for any more superficial or surface friendships.
The world is full of those.

All I can say is that people are sinful. They're fickle too. And they miss out when they ignore cool chicks like us!

Big hug.....Friend!

The Hafts Happenings said...

Wow, I needed to read this, (and all the great comments to)I am 40 and still have these feelings sometimes. Love your transparency.

jenn said...

im new to your blog =)
and let me just say...this blog...i TOTALLY could have written.
with this post...i'm a new follower.

love it.!!!!

i'm on twitter too (@jenngetts)

Cathy Morgan-Davis said...

I get it too!

Being around a group of women that you "know" but don't really "know" is nerve wracking for me. I never quite feel like I fit in and the enemy has such fun with that!

(I just went through this this past weekend.) I kept reminding myself that my goal of the weekend was to see Him - no one else. The rest was an added treasure!

I'm glad I got to hug your neck! You are a treasure!

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

I have no idea how I saw this old post today, but I could have written it word for word the last six months. I probably would not have written it (insecurity) but it is where I walked and am still walking .I had three girlfriends for 20 years, close friends....but whenI begin to spend more time being Grammy and then when Jack had his stroke and tree season started if was as if I never exsisited....and its broken my heart ...and the clincher is that the real reason is that is that I can not be available to play cards as often...Talk abot hurt. Breaks my heart...Did not heard a word from them ring the holidays and tey consantly posted about their partys...

Glenda said...

ditto on all previous comments
I thought I was alone in this.
I wish just one person would want to know me.

Nice to know I am not alone, but wish none of us felt this way.

~Glenda, MO

StLphotogirl said...

I feel like that a lot. My husband just thinks that I am being ridiculous and taking things to personally. I'm glad that I'm not the only one.

Tina said...

I could have written this too!! I'm getting a little better, but then I see it creeping up in my blogging too! "Why won't anyone follow me, respond to my email, follow me back on twitter?" Good grief I am SO twelve!! Ha! Thanks for this!!

I blog so you can get a glimpse into my life as wife, mom of 3 boys, and someone who simply wants to bless others along the way. Have fun and be sweet :)

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