Sunday, January 2, 2011

I totally neglected my kids.....but it is changing.

I was one of those 2010 people who was actually ok saying goodbye to her. She was alright and all, but it was a year of "moving on and new beginnings" and we all know those seasons are somewhat difficult and you find yourself in places that you have never walked before. Soooooo.....see ya 2010! I will even throw in the "See ya wouldn't wanna be ya" to 2010.

I'm so happy to welcome 2011. (Deep breath)

Ok, one thing that was so cool over this past weekend was this.......I am hoping to live 2011 with GREAT intention when it comes to God and my family. And by great intention....I mean stretching myself past the normal laundry, shuffling kids around, grocery shopping, meal planning that I already do. I mean pushing myself to another place. I want to push myself into removing distractions and laziness when it comes to Jesus and my family.

This might be shocking to some of you, but here's the deal......I don't spend really good quality time with my kids. (shakingmyheadinshame)

I don't. I have lots of "nice" conversations with them, but no depth. Depth takes time. Depth takes being intentional with your words and questions and the direction of your conversation.

So....this is how I started tending to this matter. I humbled myself before my oldest and told him that I wanted more time with him and that I was sorry for neglecting him. He laughed. So did I. But...boy...hang on kiddo because we are about to have a blast and love each other as momma to son like never before. :)

We went to Starbucks and sat for an hour and a half. I don't take my kids to Starbucks because that is clearly an adult treat and gosh it's expensive times two. HA! However, this is all about to change. I introduced him to their hot chocolate while I thoroughly enjoyed my grande non-fat caramel brulee latte with light whip. Aaaahhh. And who cares if the fabulous drink kept me up until midnight.

We talked and talked and talked. This is what my notebook says for my oldest...and yes...I took notes.

14 year old....Here he is. I love this kid so much.

This is what we talked about in an hour and a half:

* I told him that I'm memorizing two scriptures a month. He said "that's cool." (insert grin)

* He told me he finished reading the book of Mark. HUH? How did I miss that? Wow!

* He said he wants to continue with his daily devotional book he has. Couldn't tell you what it is other than a sports theme for teenage boys. WAY TO GO SON!

* We looked through bible verses and he picked Hebrews 6:12 to carry him through school. It says this..."We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised." (I'm going to hang this in his room)

*We made specific goals in regards to grades for the next nine weeks. Each class has a goal.

*We talked about fear and what holds him back from embarking on a possibility at church.

* We then laughed and said that we will do this on a very regular basis so we can know EXACTLY whats going on in each others world.

Y'all, do you even know how fabulous of a time this was for both of us?

I'm going to do the same thing with the other two boys and I'm praying that you will adopt something similar with your kids. It really is the best investment we can give them.

Happy 2011!

Hugs and blessings~


Donna @ Way More Homemade said...

I love it, Fran. Intentionality with my kids has been a theme for the last year or so. I hear ya. Totally.

Deena said...

I love this - it's a great reminder! I need to do a better job of this with my husband too.

I'm trying the scripture memory plan too.

lavonda said...

Fran, I love this! When you look back in a year or two, these will be some of your most favorite memories of your life. Red letter days, I'm telling you. I've been doing 'date nights' with my kids ever since their dad walked out 5 years ago. Best thing EVER.

Mine are close to a couple of yours in age... the boy's almost 14 and the girl just turned 10. You want to know the 'date' my son talks about the most? Yes, we sat at dinner and talked and talked, but after dinner I told him he could pick any sports car (reasonable) and we'd go test drive it. That's how I found myself at the Ford dealership driving a Mustang Cobra around Marietta for half an hour. :)

love you Fran! you're a good momma!!

Brandy said...

Great idea Fran! Thanks for sharing-I think I will steal this one from you. Often this year I have thought how can I spend better time with my daughter. Shopping trips and a favorite movie just didn't seem to be that fulfilling. This is a wonderful idea!
Also, it's good to read some posts from you. Seems it has been a while. I was wondering how you have settled in to your new...not so new home?

3girlsmom said...

I love this. Love.

He's an amazing kid. You've already done a fantastic job - this is gonna take him over the top!

Love you so much, PAS.

Lisa @ The Preacher's Wife said...

What a great, great thing to do. I'm inspired. My boys are gonna freak. :)

Love you!

Jennifer said...

I love, love, love this. My girl is almost two, so I'm still just getting started on this parenting thing, but your post gives me such hope & encouragement. What a great idea and example to set!

Alana said...

Oh, I LOVE this Fran. Going to Starbucks was a great idea, because it takes away all the distractions of home. Isn't it cool to see our kids turn into people? :-)

Dedra said...

Thanks for being so transparent girl! Love this idea and used it with our old kiddos and let me just say.. it works. So excited for all the many blessings He has in store for you.. can't wait to see what is ahead!

Just love you.

Mary @ Giving Up On Perfect said...

I love every little part of this post! I love that you're honest enough with yourself, your kids and even us to admit this - but even more, I love that you're doing something about it. Awesome.

Jennifer said...

I love this!! What a great mom you are to your boys!
Even though Brody is little, I really want to get better about spending one-on-one time with him this year. It seems to help his behavior/tatrums when he is getting my undivided attention for a little while each week.

Praying blessings on you and your family this year!

Groovewoman said...

Fran, this is such a GREAT idea! I am blown away how effective just a little dedicated time is. I would have never thought of such a thing. I wish I could do something similar with my 3 year old, so I'll keep this in my bag of goodies to pull out when he is a little older.

2011 is going to be GREAT for you and your boys!! Happy New Year!

Shelley said...

I love this on so many levels. I need to spend more quality time with my kids too. I love that you picked out a Bible verse, that is awesome. I wonder, how did you even know where to start finding a good verse? I'm looking for good verses for my almost 9 yr olds wall. Thanks for sharing, you're an inspiration!

Janelle said...

Thay is really awesome! What a special memory for you and your boys. You are terrific!

HisTreasuredPossession said...

such a great idea Fran!! Love that you humbled yourself. He will remember that, even if he laughed.

I'm so glad to see your step ahead of me! keep it up, lady!

Mary R Snyder said...

Love this!! I love your heart! I am taking this idea and running with it -- oh, but I am!

Toknowhim said...

Awesome Fran... I have work to do in this area too... I think 2011's theme for me is "die to self"... I have a lot of dying to self to do in all areas of my life, this included my parenting...

Love the new look of your blog too... Kim

Teri~Facedown said...

I love this Fran! I might have to steal your idea! I've taken my kids on individual dates before, but not to talk about goals and stuff! We did set goals as a family this year, maybe I'll do a *bux date with each one just to check in on how they're doing in moving toward their goals! :) Love love love this!

Love ya,

P.S. You're an excellent momma! :)

Joanne : The Simple Wife said...

Can I just say that I love that you took notes?! Made me grin HUGE.


connorcolesmom said...

oh my heart just sank! I am so convicted but in a good way!
My husband and I have talked about the one on one time but life just seems to get in the way - ugh!
Such an excuse I know!
I am going to take my oldest soon and do exactly what you did - thankyou!
Love you

Jenn with Munchkin Land Designs said...


This is such a great idea! And I can't wait to hear all about my littles lives as teenagers. Someday. For now, they can stay little for a while longer. ;) We are already intentional in our dates with the kids. Jon and I make a concentrated effort to have monthly one-on-one dates with each of the kids and hope to see that trend continue through their teen years. And you can tell they love them too, often asking for dates before we suggest them. =) Thanks for being such an inspiration!

Linda said...

Ok so it might me an old expression but I am gonna use it anyway... You are the bomb!! This is great and motivating to me. I do talk a lot with my teen but my little ones seems I am too busy shuffling them from practice to practice... you have given me some inspiration here.
Thanks Friend!

Steve Finnell said...

you are invited to follow my blog

Toyin O. said...

That is so awesome; sounds like you guys had a good bonding time. Quality time with your children should never be taken for granted.

Lloyd said...

What a wonderful family blog. I really enjoyed reading the posts on your blog. I would like to invite you to come on over to my blog and check it out. God bless, Lloyd

Melody said...

Hi Fran! I just found your blog today and I love it!

This is exactly where my heart is right now. After much prayer and seeking His word, I closed my Facebook a couple days ago for this very reason- I want to live with intention. When you said "I want to push myself into removing distractions and laziness when it comes to Jesus and my family" that is EXACTLY where my heart is right now!! I have been meditating on 2 Timothy 2:4 lately that says "And as Christ's soldier, do not let yourself become tied up in the affairs of this life, for then you cannot satisfy the one who has enlisted you in his army." That has been so convicting to me! I have been wasting my time reading about what my friends are eating for lunch and sympathizing when they have problems with their MIL, but not being present for my kids. We homeschool and I'm so thankful for that time I have with them, yet I still don't feel like I spend time with them. That makes me so sad. My kids are 8 & 6 and are growing up before my eyes. I don't want to look back on their childhoods and think "I wish I had just gotten off the darn computer."

Okay now I'm tearing up and need to get off the darn computer. ;)

exploringpeace said...

So glad I stumbled onto this while "tweeting" with you today. What a glorious reminder! Thanks for your honesty. Signing off now - intentionally.
Blessings! Whitney

I blog so you can get a glimpse into my life as wife, mom of 3 boys, and someone who simply wants to bless others along the way. Have fun and be sweet :)

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